Telling stories of my own





sometimes when i walked past this wall i will remember the story you told me about your cat. It is not a very significant story among the stories you told me but somehow this story sticks around in my mind. Maybe because when you told me this story we were doing something really boring, and it changed the whole mood. i have not met your cat in person nor have you talked about the story again but this story replays in mind, the story of you telling me the story of your cat.

One of the reasons why i enjoy every bit of Greg’s class is because things that arise from class discussion is actually applicable to life outside class. And this point itself is enough to make this class much more amazing than the rest i have attended. Anyway, this line struck me so hard because it is one that i relate dearly to. Nostalgic feelings when it comes to place, food, routines. Dishes that make us miss someone, places that reminds of happy times, routines that allow us to be indulged in a world we think we are familiar with.

But perhaps what comes along with this sense of nostalgia is the struggle to live beyond and outside of these memory worlds. I always struggle. I always wonder why people change so quickly, why one that i could almost connect with at a sublime level becomes someone i cannot read. Why would someone i thought i know thoroughly become a mystery which i can never decipher?

“… like i am searching for this person who exist in the past, like he/she is fresh in my mind but i cannot relate to the present him/her anymore….”

That is the closest to how i can describe the struggle i go through in many of that friendships that either drifted apart, gone all wrong or went broken till as if it has vanished into the thin air. Is it anyone’s fault i thought? Is it my fault that i am constantly stuck in the memory world while they move on and transform into something they want to be identified as. Is it my reluctance to lose the happier times and hence unwilling to move forward? Is it my fear of happiness being very short-lived shadowing my life so much that it makes me an afraid and grumpy person? Many times i try to look beyond their changes (well i have already failed a several times), and tell myself, you can only accept what they morphed into. But still once in a while i wish in my heart that i would see the side of them that i know again (probably just fooling myself with false hope).

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There is pressure for myself by myself to do it well this time, this year at this age of 22. I cannot make the same mistakes as i made when i am 17. But… What is a mistake what is not? I am still very lost.







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